Monday, November 1, 2010
On the Edge...
I feel so sad I can't help it, It seems like I can't do anything right and that I don't want to try anymore I just want to give up. Really, really badly, just give up and let go. I know that the things going on and the complications that are making all of my emotions come out are small and silly however I just can't shake the feelings, sadness and helplessness. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
First Blog....
I have never had a blog before, I am a very private person and I don't mind being by myself---most of the time. Time after time I have tried to make changes in my life so that I can become a person that I actually like, because it is seldom that I actually feel good about myself. I feel like a whiney person because I have a great life, so to be clear I do not mean to complain AT ALL. But I feel like if I don't make changes to make myself happier from within then I will just stay like this which isn't very happy with myself, or get worse. SO when I say be better I guess I mean a lot of things.....
-Lose weight and exercise like I used to .... I loved to work out.
-Save more money, stop spending and budget better.
-Take better care of myself health-wise.
....and much more that I can't think of right now.
I guess it always comes down to me being sick of being average. I know that a lot of people who know me wouldn't buy how I feel, and I never tell anyone but I genuinely have horrible feelings about myself.
I feel embarrassed to be seen many times, I'm chubby, I'm not pretty, blah blah blah.
I am not outgoing b/c usually I would rather just disappear.
I feel so average, I've never excelled at anything, sports, looks, school, work.
I get scared because I haven't had anyone who has wanted to date me since high school. Thats almost 5 years and I think what am I going to do, seriously, what will I do if I am alone in five more years. I can't take that. But then I think to myself, I don't even like how I am or what kind of person I am so what kind of person would like me, I don't know why anyone would really.
SO here we go making changes so that I stop feeling so average, so embarrassed, and so much like nobody should want to be with me. This will be my major motivator.
-Lose weight and exercise like I used to .... I loved to work out.
-Save more money, stop spending and budget better.
-Take better care of myself health-wise.
....and much more that I can't think of right now.
I guess it always comes down to me being sick of being average. I know that a lot of people who know me wouldn't buy how I feel, and I never tell anyone but I genuinely have horrible feelings about myself.
I feel embarrassed to be seen many times, I'm chubby, I'm not pretty, blah blah blah.
I am not outgoing b/c usually I would rather just disappear.
I feel so average, I've never excelled at anything, sports, looks, school, work.
I get scared because I haven't had anyone who has wanted to date me since high school. Thats almost 5 years and I think what am I going to do, seriously, what will I do if I am alone in five more years. I can't take that. But then I think to myself, I don't even like how I am or what kind of person I am so what kind of person would like me, I don't know why anyone would really.
SO here we go making changes so that I stop feeling so average, so embarrassed, and so much like nobody should want to be with me. This will be my major motivator.
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